#it all comes down 2. Disproportionate Emotional Response. every damn thing

[theropoda]

feels like the bad bad times ive been having for the past few weeks up to this point is finalizing itself, it's so fucking unbearable i can feel the stress physically. warm and tingly. here's to hoping it ends here today, like a fever breaking. i don't know if i can keep this up

[feyre-archerons-scrapbook]

Endless Autumn - Lucien x sweetheart fic chapter 2

Part 2 of my interpretation of the story of Lucien and his doomed sweetheart.

We know Lucien first and foremost as Tamlin's closest friend, and emmisary to the Spring Court. We know that he had a lover who was taken from him, but we don't know much else. This is my interpretation of Lucien's life in the Autumn Court, surrounded by his brothers and High Lord father, and the female who set his heart ablaze.

Previous chapter here

FInd me on AO3

I haven’t got my hands on ACOWAR yet, so this story is not influenced by any new knowledge about Lucien, the Autumn Court, or his lost love. Once again thanks to  @rhysand-vs-tamlin for being my beta reader.

On the last night before his departure back to the Spring Court, Tamlin dined with us, sitting between myself and my brother Aristide. Father had wanted him to sit at the opposite end of the grand table to him – two High Lords in their rightful places – but Tam insisted that my mother should keep her seat.

So there we sat, surrounded by my brutish brothers on all sides; Terrell, Drago, Magnus, and Eris across from us, and Corentin beside me. The tension was palpable. It always was. I’d never got on well with any of my brothers, even in my infant years, and it had only got worse as we’d all grown up.

Bawdy conversation filled the air of the dining room, accompanied by silver cutlery clinking on fine china plates. My brothers had no shame. They spoke of bloody battles and sexual conquests, not one of them noticing the squirms of horror and embarrassment on our mother’s face. I felt like I was in the most luxurious seedy tavern in Prythian.

“Hey, Tamlin -” Drago said over the noise that filled the room.

“That’s High Lord to you, son,” my father corrected, and jabbed his fork into a piece of steak on a platter offered by a faerie servant.

Drago shrugged, ripped off some meat from a chicken leg, and continued, “Seen as your father’s dead and you’re in charge now, do us all a favour and take useless Lucien back to the Spring Court when you go.” My brothers all laughed.

My father glared at his fifth son, “Drago, the High Lord of the Spring Court wouldn’t want Lucien in his court.”

I sucked in great gulps of air through my nose.

Tamlin swallowed a bite of food and placed his cutlery neatly on the table. “Actually, I would gladly have Lucien with me, but he insists on staying.”

“Why?” Terrell scowled, and pulled his focus to me, “You hate it here just as much as we hate you being here.”

I glared at him, as the hatred he spoke of bubbled up inside me, desperate to rupture. “I don’t stay for your benefit.” I stayed for my mother. I would never willingly leave her here with these creatures.

“Psh,” Corentin piped up, “Get out and join us on our hunts, then, little brother. Fly the banner of this Court with pride on the battlefield, but oh no…”

“Forgive me if I am yet to see anything worth fighting alongside you for, brother,” I scoffed, and threw back the entire contents of my wine glass. A server refilled it immediately.

“Screw you, Lucien,” Magnus snapped.

“Boys,” my mother said with a stern voice, “Not at the dinner table.”

“You forget, Cor; our baby brother prefers to hunt a different kind of prey,” my eldest brother Eris smirked, then shoved a forkful of meat and vegetables into his mouth. Another server quickly replaced the food on his plate. “Or should I say he did.” His eyes sild to me.

I slammed my wine glass down so hard against the table, the stem snapped in two. Mother screeched, and Tamlin raised his eyebrows in a silent signal for me to calm down. “And what exactly do you mean by that, Eris?” I scowled, crunching what was left of the glass in my palm, and soaking the sleeve of my tunic in red wine.

Eris flashed a grin at the others before focusing on me and lacing his fingers together. “Not one half-naked female has stumbled out of your bedroom in weeks.”

“Yeah, Lucie,” Magnus piped up, “You’re letting your reputation slide.”

“And you have a problem with that?” I said, balling my hands into fists. I could’ve sworn I saw smoke rise from them.

“I do, yes,” Eris said. “Because you are an embarrassment, Lucien.”

A maid began dabbing my spilled wine with a cloth. Mother gently dismissed her and used her magic to remove all trace.

“Because I’ve enjoyed the finer things in life?” I scoffed, “Jealousy is not becoming of you, Eris.”

He snarled at me.

“Or is it because I didn’t sit on my ass and get father to buy me a bride, like you did?” My eyes must’ve flashed like lightning, because Tamlin gave me a swift kick to the shin in response.

“Don’t bite,” he whispered through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, listen to the beast, Lucie,” Magnus cackled.

Tamlin spun round to him and growled, loud and feral. His hands – now splayed on the table – were lightly furred, his claws scraping into the table. My brothers went momentarily silent.

“Apologies, Tamlin,” my father said, his cutlery clattering onto the table as he glared at Magnus. He then looked to me. “I don’t like your tone, boy. Arrangements are always a success for the courts.”

“Not when you’re buying brides for their purity!” I snapped, my eyes whirling to my father as I rose from my chair. “Not when the poor thing is deemed unworthy of that cretin -” I pointed at Eris “- and left to die in the woods!” My ferocious stare returned to my eldest brother.

He shoved his chair back and slammed his hands onto the table, as the others began shouting encouragement at him, “You son of a -”

“Eris!” mother cried out, nearly scaring another serving girl to death.

Tamlin growled again.

“That Night Court bitch proved herself to be nothing but a worthless whore!” Corentin sneered beside me. He was almost salivating with anger, with lust for blood.

“Here, here,” Drago piped up, raising his glass. “She deserved what she got.”

“How was I born of the same parentage as you lot?” I said, exasperated as I looked at each of my brothers in turn. I hated them, each and every one. “You’re all such vile, vicious creatures that -”

“Sit down, Lucien, you’re drunk,” Terrell cackled over the noise that rose up again.

My father laughed.

“Beron, please,” my mother pleaded to him, “Don’t.” He waved her off.

“Maybe we can find you a maid to screw, get you out of your rut.” Eris laughed, and swatted the green-skinned serving girl on the behind, before grabbing her and pulling her into his lap. “She’ll do, right? You’re not too picky.”  

“Gods dammit!” I screamed as he ran his hand down her cheek. I pounded my fists on the table, making everything rattle. I looked at the girl now struggling in my eldest brother’s grip; her face had turned tomato red with embarrassment. Tamlin’s face was contorted into a sneer, his hands curling into fists that looked disproportionate to his size, the fur thicker.

“Let her go,” My mother demanded and tipped her head, ushering the girl away. We all watched as she scrambled from Eris’s lap and ran crying from the room. The dining room door slammed shut, and I turned back to my eldest brother.

“You’re disgusting,” I sneered, my glare filled with enough hatred to curdle milk. “You’re nothing more than festering filth who was damn lucky to be born into your position, otherwise -”

“Lucien, that is enough!!” father thundered, rising from his chair so fast it went careening backwards towards the fireplace. Eris grinned. “If you dare speak to the heir of this court that way ever again, I will cut out your tongue!”

I felt a crackle of heat from my father’s magic ripple across my face, proving his power. I pushed it back with all my strength, and a frown settled across his face. Still, I opened my mouth to snap at him, but Tamlin turned to me and put a fae hand on my chest, ordering me back.

“Walk away,” he said, pulling his own simmering anger down beneath a very thin veil. “Go.” He pointed behind me.

“Fine,” I said through gritted teeth, and kicked my chair back. Tamlin went to follow me, but I shook my head. “I need some time to myself. You stay.” He nodded in silent agreement and watched as I turned and headed for the door.

“See you later Lucie,” Terrell sang, whilst some of the others hissed.

“Off to go cry in the forest?” Corentin mocked.

Tamlin growled once more.

“Watch out for old crones, though. They might drag you to their beds!” Eris chipped in, “I’d imagine they’re the only ones left you haven’t already had!” All of my brothers – and my father – laughed until their stomachs hurt.

My mother pushed up out of her chair and shadowed me. “Lucien,” she whispered as I yanked the door open and stomped out of the room.

“What?” I snapped. She frowned, and I felt a knot twist in my stomach. “I’m sorry,” I sighed.

She smiled at me and cupped my face in both hands. “You have no need to be, my dear boy. It’s your brothers that owe me and you an apology.”

“They never change. But I have.” She nodded. A part of me wanted to weep in my mother’s arms for the bile that had come from me – from all of us - but I released a shaky breath and nodded. “I’ll see you later.”

She dropped a kiss on my forehead, and went back into the dining room.

As the door clicked shut, I spun on my heel and stomped away. There was no way to comprehend that conversation, no way for me to understand what made my brothers such wretched creatures. I hated how easily they could rile me up, and how much I let my emotions take over. I had a sick feeling that they knew something, but how?

The serving girl…I couldn’t stop seeing Thea’s face in place of hers. That beautiful dark auburn hair, those green eyes…the tears falling from them.

My throat felt constricted. Gods above, I detested them.

I winnowed to my bedroom to find Thea sitting beside the fireplace, shifting the flame-gilded logs with a poker. She immediately stood up and ran to me.

“Thea,” I breathed, “What are you do-”

She didn’t give me time to finish before she kissed me; her hands on my cheeks, her lips soft and inviting.

I felt my frustration begin to seep away. When we parted, she wrapped her arms around me and rested her head against my chest.

“How do you know what happened?” I asked, stroking my fingers through her hair.

“I was down in the kitchen eating with the other servants when Karin ran in crying, saying that Eris had made a fool of her...and you, at dinner.” She lifted her head to look at me.

“Don’t worry about it, Thea,” I whispered in response, “Don’t worry, my love.” I cupped her chin and pulled her into another kiss. “They don’t know anything about you, about us.”

She squeezed me a little tighter and whispered, almost too low for me to hear, “I didn’t think so.”

I frowned, but she didn’t say another word.

Sleep seemed to come quickly that night, and I only awoke when I heard a thundering knock on my door. I stretched and yawned, and felt Thea’s arm across my stomach. We were both still wearing last night’s clothes. Another knock on the door had me twisting out of her hold and rising, just as she began to stir.

“Sorry,” I whispered, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“What time is it?” she yawned.

I peered out of the open window. “Mid-morning, I’d say.”

“Cauldron, no!” she screeched, and leapt to her feet.

Another knock at the door nearly sent her a foot in the air, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little at seeing her flustered for once. As she glanced in my dresser mirror, combing her fingers through her hair, I walked over to the door and opened it.

“Tamlin, good morning,” I said, and pulled the door closed a little.

“Morning.” My friend frowned at me and pushed the door wide open. His eyes locked on Thea’s in the mirror, and then slid to me. He didn’t say anything until he stepped past me and stopped in the middle of the room. He waited for me to close the door. “Thea, I presume?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.

She smoothed the skirt of her red dress and turned to face him, dropping straight down into a curtsy. “Erm, yes, my lord. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

He offered a tight smile and turned away from her, his focus landing back on me. “Your brothers were in fine form last night, Lucien.”

I pulled a face, “Even after I left?”

He nodded, “I’d actually say you got off lightly whilst you were there. They were much more vocal, more…vulgar after you’d gone. When the dessert arrived they were making a verbal list of every female they could remember you having slept with.”

“How delightful.” I said, feeling my cheeks heat.

“Your poor mother.”

“Did they say anything else more…specific?” Thea chipped in, as she began re-braiding her hair in the mirror. The other details didn’t seem to have bothered her.

Tamlin shook his head at her and said to me, “I’d wager that Eris thinks you protested a little too much, old friend, but I don’t think he knows anything about you two.”

Thea returned all of her attention to her task and began humming a tune I wasn’t familiar with.

I listened intently, hypnotised by her voice, until Tamlin stepped closer to me and said in a low voice, “Did you two…?” His eyebrows danced.

“No,” I replied, “We just fell asleep. Don’t worry about us.”

“How can I not? It’s just a good thing your father and brothers are out hunting peryton this morning, so the coast is clear.” He looked over at her again. “I think you’ve made her late for her work.”

“Mhmm,” Behind him, Thea was finishing getting ready, her delicate fingers now resting on her cheeks. Her skin was dazzling in the morning sunshine; blue, purple and green shimmering on her face. I sighed like a lovesick fool.

Tamlin grabbed my upper arm and gripped it tight. I could’ve sworn his beast claws dug into my flesh. “Be careful, Lucien,” he said through gritted teeth, “Be. Careful.”

I scowled and nodded vigorously, “We will be, of course.” I tugged my arm away and the small flesh wounds from his claws began to heal immediately.

“Good.” He gave my shoulder a light pat before gazing out of the window towards the forest and the border beyond. “I’m leaving now.”

“That’s a shame,” I said.

He shrugged, “I don’t suppose I can put off ruling my court for much longer, can I?”

I sucked in air through my teeth and said, “No, unfortunately not.” He sighed. “Thank you for everything you’ve done these past few weeks, Tam; keeping my father and brothers occupied. I really appreciate it.”

“I’m glad I could help.” He beckoned me toward him and we embraced in a hug. He whispered, “She’s very beautiful, my friend. Please be safe.” With that, he stepped away, and watched as I forced my emotions into a retreat. He then turned to Thea and smiled – a real, genuine smile – and said, “It was nice to meet you, Thea. Be good to ol’ Lucien, won’t you?”

She nodded with a wide grin on her face, relief covering her features as she curtsied again. “I will, my lord, you can be sure of that.”

Without saying another word, Tamlin turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him with a wink over his shoulder. A minute or two later, the roar of his beast form echoed across the valley as he headed towards the border and the Spring Court beyond.

Now we were on our own.